Not that I'm knocking the pleasure and privilege of being alive, mind you, it's just that I really hate being ripped out of the cozy embrace that is my family and my bed, and being thrust once more, cold and alone, into what's sometimes a truly inhospitable environment.
It's a lot like being born, ain't it?
Sure, an hour, maybe two, sometimes it takes as many as eight later, I'm in a good mood, but that's only because a) I'm eventually going back to my family and my home and b) Monday's a rehearsal night. Unfortunately, it's not a running night, and that's really and truly now the sad part of the day. Funny how that happened...but I've really come to crave it. But hey, that's what tomorrow's for!
Breakfast: 2 soft boiled eggs, a pint of cranberry juice (and I tend to stick to Ocean Spray, since they don't use high fructose corn syrup - I'm not supposed to eat corn, and besides, studies show that this particular type of sugar is insulin insensitive, which means diabetes is around the corner, as is obesity. No, thanks).
Lunch: an expensive yet pathetic excuse for a salad (two slices of cucumber and two slices of tomato over half a head of what's probably iceberg lettuce) with hummus.
Lunch 2: roast pork, rice, very small amount of plantains.
Dinner: more of lunch 2
Weight: 151.1 lbs. Remember how I said I expected to gain? I suspect I'll strip down a bit first as it all burns, then the numbers will probably creep up again as I build.
So...through the opening poses to the more specific ones, stretch and hold, burn and bend, sinking sinking through it all...and then it was time to rehearse.
During the yoga session itself, I thought about last week and the gains within the family on that weekend, I thought not about work, but the loss of that gentle man. I reflected on the things I've learned about health, self, and life in general. I thought about the work I'm doing with the new writing, the strange, exciting and scary path everything seems to be going in, all at the same time, and so much of it wonderful.
One thought, one feeling overrode them all: I love my family. The ones who've been there since before I can remember, the ones I've grown with, the ones who've been introduced over the years, the ones recently met and the ones yet to become a part of my life, of our life. I love them, and I'm held so very securely by their love for me. What an amazing, miraculous, beautiful thing. And my friends...I hold them just as dear, just as close and precious. And I can absolutely feel that close regard in return.
And then...there was music, and there was flow. My heart beat. My breath sustained, two half notes over its quarter note/four beat/single measure.
I brought that rhythm into rehearsal, the beat of my heart, the flow of my breath, the feelings that fill and filled me. I wish that love--I want to share that love--with everyone.
Namaste.
No comments:
Post a Comment